Sunday, November 11, 2007

Happy remembrance day.

Yes I did stop still at eleven o'clock today. Had a little think and then wiped the tear from my unfortunate face. Life has changed innumerably.

Myself and a large eared man were teaching yesterday. I think it's one of the best days of work that I've had in recent years. It had nothing to do with my performance or charm. But everything to do with the wealth of seeing other people excel. "Can I really do this job." I still ask myself.
'They can' I thought to myself yesterday. Stop feeling like a fraud and help these people move forward.

There in lies a big difference.

I don't think I've ever wanted to be looked at. Shit it's only taken me thirty years to realise. Why did i get so much of a buzz walking into my old schools staff room the other day. We do I read John Simpson books and actively plan out my walk into Afghanistan. Why do I write these blogs?

It's not so that someone reads them.

On the face of the theatre world it would be easy to say and I've often heard the phrase "Struggling for work." But dudes I don't want to be famous. Yeah sure a little extra cash that would come from a spell in Eastenders would be useful. But could i handle people talking to me as if they knew me better than my mum and dad. Jesus if we are honest i bet there are things that even our parents don't know about us. The last thing i want is to be recognised. I've learnt that receiving recognition and being recognised are two completely different things. I feel like a child has it really taken me this long to understand.

Reading the news is a harrowing experience. Theatre that heels is where my interest lies. If that begins at KYT, and if that takes me a life time that's fine. Maybe someone else will carry it on.

"They don't make them like that any more." was said of my Granddad at his funeral. Well they should!!!

Then maybe we'll all stand a chance rather than blagging it!!!

Happy remembrance day. x


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