Saturday, January 10, 2009

I carry you around!

It's been a while!!

Um...port! Lot's of port! I'm not in the RAF, I don't pass to the left and I'd rather sit in silence than talk bull shit!

Having said that the blog is an excellent venture for me. I like questions. I don't necessarily need answers. So what comes out of my mouth is almost certainly all my bull shit as I so eloquently put it.

What's the key word here?

We put on a play in which I learned more about myself and my own knowledge than I think I've ever been allowed. Don't get me wrong, we are allowed to do what we want to do most of the time, in fact as amazing as we are, one of the things that I feel defines us as a special species is that when we close our eyes we are free. We are allowed to do what we want!!

We fill (and are filled) by knowledge. Our self learning. The voice in our head unstopping in it's relentless strive for comfort. Close those eyes and everything is just that little bit easier. Now open them!!

When I looked at the script for "Back of the Throat" ( put in front of me by Kevin) I saw an excellent read. I went into rehearsal with preconceived ideas. My tiny head filled to the rafters with personal thought, actors thoughts, company thoughts, food thoughts, what bus am I going to catch thoughts...etc!!

After a week I was a different man. This is because I was surrounded by people that give and are giving of time! I'm talking about a group of people that put their self knowledge to one side. They put their comfort to one side to allow me to venture. My thoughts were going all over the place and I felt completely comfortable.

What I found with this company was so much more than just a production. As an actor there are things I would change, my knowledge as an actor leads me down many different paths. In deed I'd like to see a more methodical Carl, I'd like to change the tie, what he eats and what transport he takes. My feeling is that I could have done. It was more than just a production because I, comfort aside was allowed to find it. The voice in my head ceased or changed. It was saying different things. In short I'd put everything in. I was given back!

Thank you for your respect and friendship! From Kira (birthday girl) cookies! The Kanje Port and punctuation. (That's your book title mate!) Am's your trust, Super Malc your leadership and David...most of all a book of knowledge who kept his pages turning i thank you for making it so!

What's the key word? Almost! I'm alive. I'm not there yet where ever there may be! I've just answered one of my own questions haven't I!! I told you it was bull shit!

Here's to you Neville, for today my thoughts stay with Martin and family! But it's great to know that I've chosen so!


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